Friday, 31 December 2010

News from Middle Earth on New Years Eve

Middle Earth honours list: Gary and I have been honoured in the Honours List by Angela, we are 'dorks' Honourable Dorks but Dorks none the less, I do wonder what our Middle Earth artist, Lily Florence thinks of all this??? Talking of young ladies, have you seen how Mika has grown, quite the little lady, so much depends on our girls over the coming years and Mika will shine.

Humility is the mother of giants: one sees great things from the valley; only small things from the peak. (GK CHESTERTON)

It seems strange that again we live with far flung loved one, Angela is 10 hours ahead of us and it is New Year there already. It is now 6pm and in South Africa it is 8pm. We will be ready for bed, they will be into the New Year. It is just a date, a time, a different place but on all this the same time, the same place. I miss you all, The Ozdales, Middle Smiths, Markus, Musmead, Faydales, Cookydales. We will be better in the New Year and all the New Years to come. We will return those calls, answer those texts and acknowledge those emails, we will, we will.

Dan and Travis are now motorcross riders, breaking their own records time after time. This is breaking news and will be reported on, when the satellite feed come in from South Africa.

Have a great New Year, comment when you want or do not want, be happy and be yourselves.

Tuesday, 28 December 2010

Chianti Reserve 2007

Bouquet: Very fruity
Colour: Deep red, swirled in the glass leaves a rose shine.
Taste: Full of tropical fruit, gooseberry and a hint of Italian wood, namely vanilla.

Not a wine you can get without good connections. This is a Claudosa family wine and if you are lucky enough to acquire a bottle, saviour the moment, it does not happen often.

Talking of family, did you see those shocking pictures of Pamagor on the Boxing Day blog!!! No modesty, no style, so unlike Pamagor. I will say this, it is the time to catch the sales and with due consideration, I reflect, Pamagor might have forgotten to put slacks on. Mally the farmer from Musmead Manor was not impressed, Femma could not imagine how Pamagor did not get a chill. I will leave this open for debate.

Evening tea for the Smiths is a wade of cheese, salami, salad and a banged a few rolls in the oven. Some left over Chianti and roast chicken. Magic. The naked chef strikes once more. For those more sensitive readers, I am fully clothed while writing this Middle Earth journal. Gussell has been known to wear fishnet tights and a black leather jacket to bed. All I know is that the New Year is fast approaching and we must think on our Near Years resolutions.


Boxing Day - so soon

Boxing Day is like living a bit of a dream, all the presents are still new and mostly unexplored and we have a day to revel in our glory. Not so here in the UK, or by all accounts Australia, some of us make for the after Christmas sales. Half price, Massive reduction, up to 70% off, are just some of the posters and adverts displayed on the internet, in the papers and on shop windows. I have spent enough and welcomed the peace and quiet of Boxing Day at home.

Road kill, left over roast potatoes, Panetone, Stilton, NZ Colombard, Roast Gammon and very good company at the Cookydales saw a pleasant end to our Boxing Day.

Pamagor has been seen at Top Shop and The house of Frasier with an arm full of shopping bags. The cameras do not lie as you can see from this typical Pamagor outfit.

The day St Nick paid us a visit

Finally we woke to Christmas, grey skies and very typical cold weather greeted our wander to the tree. What a kaleidoscope of coloured papers tempting not only the boys but Sam and I as well.

On earth we call this time of the year Christmas or the winter solstice. I am not a bit sorry for all the presents we received this year, they all seem to be just right. Loads of fine wine, an assortment of cheese and salami. Everyone else did alright I hope. A few must mention presents, a bottle of Bells from Susy Pie, a Christmas cake, homemade, from Julia, a bottle of Chianti from the Middle Smiths and glorious frying pan from Michael stood out above the rest and I can only say to those who were not mentioned, put a little more effort in next time. Seriously a big thank you for all you thoughtful, useful presents, I am most humble. Word is that Feter gave Mags such a horrid present she has asked him to come around and take it back.

Lunch at the Faydales was a huge feast, full of all those Christmas food we come to expect of this divine cook. Next year why don't you all come around, the more the merrier.

Talking to others from all around the Middle Earth, it was strange to have snow and ice here with sun and sea there. Well Middle Earth has always been the most popular destination for travellers during the festive season and no matter where Christmas finds you, you will have the weather you wanted. Well done weather.

Friday, 24 December 2010

The Last day before Christmas

Come all you children; gather around, Santa is coming tonight. We are all children at heart and no one more so than me. I have woken these last two weeks marvelling at the magic of Christmas. We all make promises for the coming year but if I can, I would like to find a way to keep you safe from harm, a special place from the storm.

I see you everywhere, in the sky, a cloud, a breeze wanting me to wrap my arms around you. My Christmas children, when I look or remember your eyes, I sometimes see the shadows of things you had to endure, the lines of the tears that ran down your face. I can feel you, you are everywhere, I wish that all man kind was like you. I still wonder how many tumbles a child must take until they learn to walk.

Christmas eve and I reflect, what might have been but more importantly what was. Tomorrow I will write from Middle Earth, a place I love. It is filled with all those I love. Until then listen for those bells and if you listen very carefully you might hear them too. 'Now Dasher! 'Now Dancer! Now Prancer and Vixen! On Comet, on Cupid, on Donder and Blitzen! To the top of the porch, to the top of the wall, now dash away! Dash away, dash away all. Santa is on his way.


Thursday, 23 December 2010

2 days to Christmas

This time of the years is full of dreams, you have your dreams of Christmas and I have mine. What we all tend to do is try and discover each others dreams and then add them to ours and after much soul searching we wrap them together and Christmas takes over. Some dreams once unwrapped are more than we expect and others are a bit of a disappointment. Christmas is also sharing those happy and disappointing times, it is what makes Christmas and I for one will have it no other way.

Shopping is something akin to a death wish at the moment. Trolleys come at you from all directions, with a frantic, panic stricken festive shopper wielding her trolley like a scud missile to get to the last tin of baked beans before they are all sold. Relax, there are plenty more in the storeroom and they do replenish the shelves, is what I want to say but, fearing for my life, I kept quiet.

Santa is on his way, be good, be nice, Dancer, Dasher, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donder, Blitzen, Rudolf and Prancer are pulling their load? If you are lucky you will hear Santa say:

'Now Dasher!
'Now Dancer!
Now Prancer and Vixen!
On Comet, on Cupid, on Donder and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch, to the top of the wall, now dash away!
Dash away, dash away all.

Wednesday, 22 December 2010

3 days to Christmas and I await Postman Pat

I have 3 parcels to be delivered today and with all the snow inland and here, it will be interesting to see if they actually deliver today. They were posted in Yorkshire yesterday morning. Trivial bit of information but time wasting as well as I have to wait here to sign for them.

Susan and the boys are in London today, firstly getting Michaels visa to go to Austria in Feb, skiing trip, and then on to The London Eye, Madame Toussards and the Dungeon. I elected to stay behind and do Roberts paper round, walk the dog and wait for the post.

This time of the years brings out that festive spirit in me, I am joined by Michael, the Universal Child, in our excitement of what is to come. Salami, olives, good cheese and wine are hopefully in my Christmas stocking. I do hope Angela has a stocking this year, always one of her most important conditions at Christmas. Lily Florence will have a hammer to play with, so all is not lost for the Underdickens. Maybe you want to give me an idea of what you expect this Christmas? Ho Ho Ho, socks again.

Monday, 20 December 2010

Think on Christmas

Life is sometimes strange, forming a friendship blog, will never ever change… Remembering all the wonderful things this past year we have shared, leaning on each other, as we did. Sharing all our feelings both bad and good, knowing that we were there, for each other as best we could. Now the spirit of the Christmas is growing more and more each day, and the bond we made, is certainly here to stay…

Some have drawn away, life takes you there. Others felt part of the spirit of Middle Earth. A year of farewell, a year of growth, a year split in the middle by the unexpected loss of the dearest mother we will ever know. This is our year, like it, hate it, we are all we have, never lose sight of us. 5 days to hear those bells, they ring out the spirit of Christmas, our spirit, you and I leave this last Monday before Christmas, we might not all be home but I know those who are not, would want to be.

Sunday, 19 December 2010

6 days to Christmas

Now is the time for us to hear the Christmas bells. Stop reading, listen, do you hear the bells of Christmas. Close your eyes and imagine those bells of Christmas. I have heard those bells for the last 2 weeks and have missed listening to those bells with those I love. Well Michael has now heard the bells, join us in hearing the bells, feel good time when all we love, we love too much. I can not be with everyone, but I will be thinking of you with a smile and a good tingle as this is Christmas and I want you all to put aside those ghosts and enjoy.

It snowed today and it does that. A picture postcard day in reality. Sam was interested.

Friday, 17 December 2010

The weather turns chilly

Our trusted weather bureau has forecast a cold weekend ahead of us, rain, wind and misery. This is Christmas and we all expect cold, we want snow and would not be the same without that bitingly harsh wind, numbing our cheeks.

We are moving ever nearer to that magic day of December the 25th, Christmas day and the joy of giving. What we give is important, to us and hopefully to those receiving our humble gifts. My search for gifts starts tomorrow, and must end by Monday as those I love live too far away, for last minute shopping. Susan and the boys are on holiday from Monday until the after New Year, although Susan will be going in between Christmas and New Year. I will be at my station, doing as much as I feel is needed, keeping to the festive spirit and wondering what this Christmas holds in stall for everyone.

News from Middle Earth is that Lily Florence is taking on the added responsibility of doing lifeguard duty, as can be seen from the attached photo. Most commendable. I must take Sam for a walk and it has started snowing again so must dash before it gets too heavy.

Tuesday, 14 December 2010

11 Days to Christmas

Have you bought all those important presents yet? By important I mean those you have a good idea of what to get. Susan is sorted, just about. Robert is coming close to completion. Michael, what do you get someone who has it all. Angela, Matthew and Lily, where do I begin? What can I give them poor, as I am? If I were a shepherd, I would give a lamb; If I were a Wise Man, I would do my part; Yet what I can give them is my heart. Not enough I hear you say.
Gary, Claudia, Mika and Dan, not even close. Mark and Travis are looking positive. Talking of Travis, you haven't forgotten it is his birthday on the 21st, no I did not think so. He is getting a PW50 motorbike. It is a surprise so I am not going to post the photograph but will say this much, IT IS BEAUTIFUL.

I came across this video today and thought I would share it, the names and faces of the people in the video are quite clear. . Amazing what you find on the net these days.

D H Lawrance said of painting, it takes less of your soul to paint then to write. Well the way he painted it would. But his books are masterpieces and will be read forever.

Tomorrow we start the count down for the last 10 days to Christmas. Have heart my children we are made of sterner stuff. Will be strange without Granny June.


Christmas – An Italian Affair.

The Claudosa region of Italy comes with many traditions and the Middle Smiths, Markus Smith and the extended family of Claudosa's embrace this festive season in traditional style. The essence of Christmas Day in the Claudosa Family, is family, love and food, la famiglia, l'amore e il cibo. Italian festive food, taken from all the regions they have roots in, Christmas Eve is a day of abstinence from meat so a celebratory banquet frequently features fish – Claudosa has been known to prepare as many as 20 different fish dishes! Specialising in, il capitone, a dish made with fried eels is the center dish. Always accompanied by pasta, loads of pasta, all care of D'Italia.

Lunch, il pranzo, on Christmas Day is the most important of all the Christmas feasts and is a lengthy affair. The Family gather around their huge table and serve delicacies such as crostini with liver pâté or the classic tortellini in chicken stock, brodo are on the table, while lo zampone, a pig's foot filled with spiced mince meat, or il cotechino, a sausage made from pig's intestines containing a similar filling, are particularly popular in the Claudosa region. Lamb follows, l'agnello and accompanying vegetables include mashed potato and lentils, lenticchie. Tortellini, cotechino and lenticchie are often on the menu again on New Year's Eve.

The Claudosa's are known for their sweet-toothed, Bruno Canosa of the Claudosa family insists on dessert. They have been know to indulge in desserts such as nougat, il torrone, and a light Milanese cake filled with candied fruit and raisins, called il panettone. The main, traditional cake is gold bread, il pandoro, which is very similar but without the candied fruit or raisins. A gingerbread with hazelnuts, honey and almonds, il panforte, is also popular.

In fact, most Italian Christmas sweets contain nuts and almonds as, according to Claudosa folklore, eating nuts aids the fertility of the earth and people, increasing flocks and family.

Just a taste of the Claudosa Region to whet your appetite for Christmas. I know Gary of Middle Smiths, enjoys all these treats and hopefully this Christmas will be as traditional as the last 100 years. Long live the Claudosa Era, Long live the Claudosa Family. Happy Christmas.

Saturday, 11 December 2010

Protestors, right or wrong?

England has seen some pretty violent protests over the last few weeks. Whether we agree or not to the way the protests are going is a personal choice. The police use a Kettling procedure which is at the very least a over reaction and at the other extreme very dangerous. I would get a little upset, if on a peaceful demonstration; I was confined to a small area with no chance of refreshments, toilets or being able to decide I have had enough and leave. It is a form of imprisonment with no rights.
Getting back to the demonstrations, the underlying problem is not just the student fees; it is the financial situation the banks have put us in. We did not cause this fiscal disaster, but are now being made to pay for it. This is a form of Kettling, imposed on us by the corruption and fraud of the banks and leaving us to pick up the pieces. I can not see an end to these demonstrations, I propose we liquidate the banks, shareholders included as they really own the banks and elected the directors, of all their assets and restore the economy to what it was before the bubble burst. The demonstrations will continue until those at fault pay for their crimes.

Still on a political note, I see the Labour Party is full of criticism against the present government. Also heard the new leader of the opposition saying.
'Our best years are ahead of us.' Well I do not know, we use to own half the planet and maybe he knows something we do not but they have just handed over a bankrupt government to the coalition and is already trying wheedle his way to glory?

To finish, let's remember Gary of Middle Smiths is still away in Ozdale and must be feeling a little homesick, longing for a cuddle from Claudia of Claudosa Era, a giggle from Mika and a word or two on life with Dan. 13 days to go, 14 to Christmas Eve.

Here comes Santa

16 days to Christmas and Susan took today off and then decided to take tomorrow off as well. Christmas shopping was the agenda and we only managed 4 stores. Danelin Mills which sell all those woven linen and everything else. The Range was the best, a new concept which gives you the feeling that they have a full range of items for your home. We must have spent an hour or two browsing the vast range of products on offer. I can not revel what there was as it is all about Christmas, Santa knows. Talking of gifts, are there any online shops of repute in Oz? The internet seems to think not, can anyone enlighten me on this very vexing topic. The other stores were John Lewis of Brownsea Island fame and Tesco. John Lewis was completely over the top, Tesco was Tesco.

Michael wants a skim board for Christmas, alas the new stock only comes in, in the spring and so he is doing a little think on what would be his second chose as it were. I have just opened a bottle of Blossom Hill red, this just to keep you up with what is being drank at the minute in this cold and wet Island we call England. It is cold, you have noticed but in reality it seems a little worse, a white Christmas is what we asked for but not the whole festive season.

Anyway getting back to Skim Boards, the new concept is to have a banjee cord, cast out to sea and then with the help of a few friends you banjee into the surf. This may sound strange but if you search for it on You tube you will be a believer.

Here come Santa you might ask, yes I heard it today, store after store, I really do wish he would just get here.

Tomorrow is 15 days to Christmas and I intend to blog the run up to this day of magic.

Wednesday, 8 December 2010

It could be a cold week


This week has started a little chilli, -2° C and they will be saying it will get colder. The wind, that wee breeze that seems to find its way into you body, your extremities are the first to go and then it borrows into the heart of your very soul. This is very cold stuff, only for the stout hearted and the Scots.

Archbishop Tutu once asked a reporter if he was going on to interview Nelson Mandela, when he heard he was he remarked, 'He can be so boring?' Then he laughs outrageously, only Desmond could say something like that and get away with it.

Pamagor was seen in a white leather jacket, red scarf and black leather boots. I am sure there was more under all that but with the chilli winds blowing up a ladies extremities, I agree, better to be warm than sexy at this time of the year. Protester seem to attack ladies in fur rather than leather, they are just scared of the bikers.

Susan baked a Christmas cake in honour of The Matriarch and all the Christmas cakes she sent us over the last 10 years. It smells good, now we will feed it with whisky and love until we can not stand it any longer, then we will eat it.


Saturday, 4 December 2010

Will it snow this Christmas?

Mother Nature is throwing all she has in her arsenal at us this slow creep to Christmas. We woke to 4" of snow on Thursday. The abundance of soft snow with no wind made for a glorious day of no school for the boys, our road has a little rise and the toboggan was dusted off and then the race began. All ages risked life and limb to slide down the hill into the deep snow that had accumulated, teasing the children and soon the temptation was too much and the first snow ball flew true and straight hitting Robert in the middle of his back. War raged from then on until everyone was wet, cold and exhilarated. Friday nothing had changed so the fun was continued. Two days off school and the boys were suddenly very interested in the weather forecast for the weekend, more Monday than anything else.

I woke this morning, Saturday, to gentle rain and no snow, where had it all gone? So school will be open Monday and those living on Canal Boats are now stuck as the rivers have frozen. Serves them right, I can not stand those pompous boaters. 'I live on a river boat with my cat and some enamel.' Well it can't be much fun now.

In the early hours of this morning our phone rang, needless to say we did not answer it, yes it was still dark. Later picking up the message we were not too surprised to find out it was Gussell, fresh in to work at his Deli and ready to chat, what no customers? I will get back to the Lord of the Manor of Georgedale, cannot wait to hear the news on the progress on the Pamagor affair. Maybe that elusive Middle Smith presently travelling in Ozdale, will keep an eye open, as word has it Pamagor has travelled to the South to see the cricket. He is a great fan of Alistair Cook.

'You can dance, you can sing, but darling save the last dance for me.' Pamagor was heard to hum this song while watching cricket, makes you think!

Thursday, 2 December 2010

Bendy boards in Oz - Pamagor offers a gloved hand.

The snow is one thing but bendy boards on the beach in Melbourne is something else. Life will take the wind away and the snow will melt but we were there.
Pamagor has been seen in Georgedale, looking for smoked ham and black olives, was it a deli he was in? This man is a cad, loveable rouge but a cad none the less. Gussell will get him in the end.

Snow has arrived

Over night the snow really set in, all great until you want to drive somewhere. We live our lives in this cocoon of certainty and then this strange weather comes and drops us down to earth. 4" of snow, the most in 45 years and all the snowballs and tobogganing did not delude us into thinking this was all a winter paradise. After the snow comes the ice and the cold. Nature has a comforting way of dealing with snow, when it snows we all are in that world of fantasy. The snow is soft and gentle, warm and uplifting. We are all so childish, we want to throw that snowball and laugh at the consequences. The snow trickles down our necks and we are reminded that the cooler times will come, not yet, but we will have had enough by then.

The boys through snowballs and tobogganed down the close, had breakfast at Tesco and did not go to school, that is the good part of our inability to deal with extreme weather.

I do think of all those far away and not that far and miss not having you around when this winter wonderland pays us a visit.

It is only 24 days to Christmas

My Christmas list is so simple, starting off a bottle of good red wine, a big salami, industrial size that will last for at least a month. Olives, a must and a mature stilton. Now that will make it a good festive time. With the cold and snow around maybe a woolly jumper or some long johns.
The lists from the boys read like a must have wish list from Apple, that is the beauty of Christmas, you can dream. Robert starts off with any Apple product over £200. The next in line is an Ipad, £459, iPhone, £499, Mac Pro, £825. Well as I said you can dream. A woolly jumper for him will do the trick.

I have just found Markus on facebook. He has a lot of friends. I felt honoured with 9 followers but he must have a couple of dozen friend who like him. There are a few comments I would have liked some more detail on and details to who they are and what they are. I am somewhat reassured by the fact that Russell is a friend and seems to be in contact. Some great photos and some early morning shots that need to be deleted, do not want small children seeing those, might give them nightmares.

You have probably seen the news on how cold and miserable it is here at the minute, well it is and will stay that way for a while. All those in warmer climates, enjoy, global warming is making it warmer for you and colder for us.

Must cook the humble fish and chips for tea, till later.

Saturday, 27 November 2010

Icy winds and snow

An early winter greeted us as we woke to this cold spell. -2° C and with the Siberian wind it felt more like -20° C. I took Robert to Golf and he was driving onto a snow covered fairway. Hardy son of mine he went on to win the mini tournament.

Gary is in the same part of the world as Angela, I do not know if they have had time to catch up with their busy schedules but will soon I am sure. Hopefully Mark is looking after the rest of the family left alone in South Africa.

I have opened a bottle of South African wine for the first time in a while, such good wines, easy drinking with loads of flavour and fruit. Christmas has sweep into full stream here and all the shops are very busy. More than that there is panic buying and the normal subservient Brit is becoming aggressive. Susan went into Dolphin Center and was fortunate enough to purchase two bags full of presents, one bag was for her but I made all the encouraging noises so as to keep the momentum going. We then went in search of deep snow on the Purbecks. Church Knowles and Tyne Village had their fair amount but not what I expected, will do a run tomorrow and show you the photographs. This year Micheal claims will be a white Christmas.

I am sure you have all seen the Audi A1 Launch in New Zealand, if not just go to Facebook and type in Audi A1 NZ and you can see all those amazing photos. What a Pod they built, real genius and attention to detail. Love the shot of Gary looking at the camera wondering what to do with that bendy board in his hands. Classic Facebook.


Friday, 26 November 2010

Mulled Wine

Christmas is on us again, It was only yesterday I said to 'she who must be obeyed' that we have just had Christmas and the wireless (DAB Digital radio for the young) is saying it is 30 days to Christmas. This view I have while writing is filled with a bottle of Mulled Wine. I am so pleased it is festive again, Blueberry, Orange, Cinnamon, Coriander, Lemon, Nutmeg, Fennel and Cardamom are all packed into this bottle of Mulled Wine, I am surprised they have room for any liquid. Merlin adores Mulled Wine and will saviour every mouthful, she will take a month to drink the bottle but wella it is packed full of so many herbs and spices it must be sooo healthy.

Gary of Middle Smiths has been raving it around New Zealand, from reliable sources it is said that he was seen with Pamagor waltzing around the promenade of the capitals of New Zealand, must be New London or something. I say no more.......... Google it if you that interested.

I am on my way to Tesco, yes Gussell Tesco, to wander around those beautifully filled isles of such decadent wares that the heart is in another step. Pamagor eat your heart out. Who is this Cad in such exquisite clothes?

Robert has had a teacher's assessment and what a peculiar event that was. I am a little concerned as the school has just received a very bad report on its teaching potential. Robert is a clever lad who applies himself to the task in hand better than most. The school seems to think he is not applying himself enough. What rot. I will say no more on the subject as I was not there.

Michael has received an award for excellence; his was one of the 10% achievers in his year. Considering the pathetic results the school received this is a worthy award.

I have ranted and raved enough for this wee blog and will sign off now, suffice to say teachers have an uphill task and then they get bad management.

Last of all, Middle Earth sends birthday wishes to Angela of Underdickens in Ozdale. Happy 21st , enjoy the day.



Saturday, 20 November 2010

Rain has set in

This has been a week of drenching school runs, walking the dog becomes a rain dodging challenge. The cold, wet weather has come in from Europe, carried by strong winds, filling the already swollen rivers, flooding dear little Cornwall. St Austell getting a month of rain in an hour and a half.

I notice from the blog notice board that Claudia of Middle Smiths, formally of the Claudosa era, I must stop saying that as we all know sweet gentle Claudia is from noble Italian ancestry. Anyway back to the morning she had the unfortunate accident. I quote:

'That Audi Q5... little Ashley (from next door) dared to leave her scooter in our driveway...well one little scooter against a fiery Italian in a dashing black Q5...pure unadulterated destruction. (we're going to have to put a rating on this site soon, last blog involved porn)'

I have a feeling that her language after the event would probably need to be rated but as for the previous blog containing porn, that was only in your imagination.

Well! Let us get down to earth again, namely Middle Earth. News is that Merlin and Mags are attending a fashion show in Westbourne this afternoon. Merlin has been invited to add that glamorous touch and Mags, well we can only hope she does not scare too many off this ancient art of displaying designs from budding artists. These young designers are a very delicate crew who get terrified easily. I will let you know what transpires after the event as I am definitely not attending.

I finished the last blog with 'Is there no end to this madness?' It seems Fulia has some interesting facts on this womanly man. He admits to crying when watching the loo paper ads, I must say the little Labrador is quite sweet but what he has to do with loo paper defies me. Fulia also found out that he is more inclined to shop at Marks and Spencer than the trendy shops like Top Shop. Primark and TK Max are to him a definite no, no. It will be interesting to see if he shows his face at the fashion show in Westbourne. Maybe Merlin should take a camera. When I asked Fulia how she knew so much about Pamagor, she became extraordinarily evasive. Mumbling something about having to bake a fruit cake!!

Thursday, 18 November 2010

Autumn and its kaleidoscope of colours

Autumn has to be the ultimate mosaic of natural colours that one season can offer. The trees are the colour, contributing to the pastel tones rather than the flowers of summer. The leaves hang like Japanese paper lanterns, showing a wide range of colours from deep red through golden yellow to listless white, leaves ready to fall, after fulfilled nature's cycle of life. I have always said that autumn is my favourite time of the year and this year is no exception.

Femma of Faydale is studiously completing her last year at Brighton University and we will hopefully see her in the next week or two. Femma will be continuing her studies on the Middle Earth dialect and its subtle nuances that this rich language has to offer. I am sure she is very excited at seeing Fess's little terrier. The Wesleydale Terriers have been synonymous with Middle Earth, they are popular dogs in the Oakdale region and Markus Smith is indeed very happy with his Wesleydale puppy he has just bought for Travis.

BBC TV 1 has a program on Victorian farmers and this creates some interesting recipes of old. Old farmhouse chicken really caught me attention.

Layer a casserole dish with 5 rashers of bacon, one sliced onion and then put the chicken in. Add three carrots diced and a pinch of dried basil, parsley and oregano. Season well and cook for 1 hour covered and then a further 30 minutes uncovered at 180 deg C. Serve with new potatoes and seasonal vegetables.

Finally Pamagor was seen at Top Shop browsing their early winter collection. Gussell was tipped of and arrived just too late as Pamagor sped off in his purple Ka. Is there no end to this madness?

Tuesday, 16 November 2010

Royal Marriages

Middle Earth has been fortunate in receiving numerous items of news this Tuesday. Markus popped in to show me some photographs he had taken of Travis and his first bike race. What a racer, sleek blue helmet and body hugging racing t shirt the boy did us proud. Watch this racing number for the future.

Angela arrived, unexpectedly with a request for a new razor for Matt of Ozdale. Angela and Lily are getting increasingly irritated at having their faces scratched every time Matt gives them a kiss. He is very affectionate that way and rightly so.

Also the palace press secretary dropped us a line to say that they were admitting another commoner to the Royal house. They do take a while to learn a lesson. Middle Earth was warned in advance as William has a lodge in Southdale. Quite right that we should be told in advance and now I can let you all know in advance of this happy occasion that you will all be hounded by the press. Stiff upper lip. Thoughts must go to who will be one of the bridesmaids; Mika, Lily and Fess are all keen so I will put their names forward. All will be exceptional ambassadors of Middle Earth.

Pamagor has opened a sanctuary for wayward women, comfy double beds and unique red lights. It does remind me of Goodbye Ruby Tuesday.

Tea demands attention, sleep well.

Pamagor, exploring the beautiful myths

Eating chocolate gives you spots – no, it does not, that is a fact but you should keep an eye on your sugar intake for an overall healthy complexion. There are so many myths and I will bring you a few over the next few Middle Earth Health Columns.

Pamagor was seen wearing a leather jacket, denim jacket, black t shirt, ladies combat slacks and purple boots. Gussell is getting nearer to discovering the true identity of Pamagor. He followed up on two leads, one at Faydale Park, Pamagor seen walking a Wesleydale Terrier on a choker chain but this came to nought. The other was more promising, Tesco clothing sales, I know Claudia, formally of Claudosa now of Middle Smiths, hard to believe but alas a wild goose chase none the less. I do believe that Markus Smith has been approached to help the aging Gussell in his quest to expose that Cad, Pamagor. The Matriarch would have called him a loveable rogue.

Matt of Ozdale has lost his razor and is appealing for anyone with an old razor to send it to him, he is looking a little tatty above the lip. Talking of tatty, all the Australian Rugby players are sporting a Movember except for their kicker, he is too young. UK beat Oz and that is that. SA player sent home to top up their drugs and Ireland broke. Till anon.

Friday, 12 November 2010

No Fruit Cake

With loads of enthusiasm we set off to Fulia of Faydales to enjoy afternoon tea and fruit cake. Fulia makes the best fruit cake in Faydale. Well, no fruit cake, Fulia was painting Fess's room bright blue. Tea and a chat is all we got, big apologies but at the end of the day no fruit cake. I leave you to judge this!! Fess has a puppy, a little Wesleydale Terrier, who follows her around. Fess now works in Customer Relations at John Lewis and was quite animated about her newly decorated room.

Pamagor has been seen again, upsetting the young ladies and teasing the more mature women. I do believe the young ladies are just jealous as Pamagor fits quite elegantly into a size 12 while those young ladies struggle into a 14 when a 16 would do just fine. Pamagor was seen today wearing a pair of faded jeans, white fleece and Nike running shoes. He worn, according to a elderly lady I spoke to, a bright red scarf held neatly around his neck by a Gucci broach.

Gussell has kindly volunteered to take on the task of confronting this cad and demanding answers for this peculiar behaviour. I have attached a photo of Gussell in him Pamagor tracking outfit, tailored by Middle Earths own tailor in Georgedale. If any one sees Pamagor wantonly displaying his goods on any promenade, please contact us as soon as you have composed yourself with details.

Monday, 8 November 2010

The Last of the Summer Sun

Pamagor has been seen wandering aimlessly around the heather and coppice of Ozdale. The strangely mild spring has encouraged the lonely walkers and joining them this time was Pamagor. Heads turned as he walked by in high stiletto heeled calf skin brown boots, cotton bodice and tight buns, he cast a spring air. By all accounts, no tights.

Quartos ground their aircraft, Gary of Middle Smiths missing Pamagor's unexpected ramble. Angela would have been out there but fortunately she was buying moustache enhancer for Matthew of Ozdale. November spelt with a M, this being her latest quest into the land of those who have and those who have not. I have noticed that it is only the have's who collect for the have-nots. Maybe that is why they have as they get the have-nots to give to the have-nots!!!

Great news from Ozdale, no Matt is not pregnant, again, Lily Florence has sent the most amazing gallery of
photographs. That is one beautiful girl, alas they are all of her so will not be able to be published on this Middle Earth publication. Lily you know the rules, no free advertising and no self portraits. They were good.

Where has Gussell gone, does anyone know his shop number? I can telephone South Africa for 2p a minute and would love to chat to him. He has encountered some difficult times of late and need my cheery voice to guide him on the happy path of self confidence. Has he turned to religion, one does wonder when one does not know.

With only 45 Days to Christmas, my thoughts turn to Christmas gifts and what I should buy for those I love. This year I am determine to get a little something for all. Last year went by so fast it was New Year before I remembered and then it was too late. A new inner tube for Markus and maybe a new flickering light for Gary. A guide book on how to sight Pamagor for Angela, make her day. For Claudia of Middle Smiths, formally the Claudosa Era, a Tesco Catalogue. Same for Gussell. Well this much I will say, Christmas maybe 45 days away but before we know it, it will be 46 days.





Friday, 5 November 2010

Latest News

There is a man in Middle earth who enjoys dressing in his wife's clothes. He is seriously in touch with his feminine side. Fulia lock your little black numbers away for fear of Feter dancing around the house while you at work, Angela let Matthew read the rest of this blog as it may offend your delicate ear. Send the children to bed and then read this new news item with some expectations, not great but sensational. Merlin has given up worrying about her black numbers as she knows I have tried them all on already but to those who have a petite partner, it is prudent to hide those lovely frocks you worn when you where a size 10 and holding your breath.
Pamagor is his name, there I have named him, cad!!!
Claudia of Middle Earth, formally of the Claudosa Era, has invested in a state of the art safe to hold her most precious frocks, made of the most exquisite silk in fear of Pamagor rummaging through her closet. I will get someone to look into this unsettling news. Gussell of Georgedale can not help as he is still trying to explain why Grene's dress is split at the seems.
I will take on the dreary task, also I will dress to fit the occasion. Feter has offered to lend me some boots, Markus has managed to keep some great red tights, do not ask I will wash them before putting them on and Gussell has a not too shabby dress with a wee split which we can staple.
Fear not children of Middle Earth, the Cad will be caught.

Monday, 1 November 2010

That Perfect Pasta

I have always believed that a blog should not be written on an empty stomach; with that in mind I have had a half a bottle of wine before starting this blog. Hardy's Chardonnay Reserve Bin 53 to be exact.

I am attempting to make the perfect pasta, no pressure but it must be tried and I am the man to do it. I have started with left over roast chicken, newly bought flat brown mushrooms and smoked back bacon. Adding a touch of garlic, spring onion and basil, gentle browned in a huge dash of olive oil. I now have my base but how to bring out the flavours without breaking the bank. Soft cream cheese and a cup of parmesan in a white sauce with salt and pepper. There you have it. Taglitelle cooked for 9 minutes and gentle tossed over the pasta. You can try this at home but get your mummy or daddy to help, lets not burn ourselves, you are mum's little darling after all and you do stop us having our time. What is that? It has been so long I will have to Google it and get up to speed.

I do not know if you remember but I left a blog on a bit of a cliff hanger a while ago. Gary and Claudia of Middle Smiths came to visit. Claudia formally of the Claudosa era and now fat. She said it and I am only quoting her exact statement. The rest of the world sees this beautiful whisper of a lady but the woman in her sees fat!! Stay the way you are, we all love you dearly for it. Also an Audi Q5 needs a bit of muscle to negotiate the Sandton pavements.

As can be seen from the photograph, Claudia managed to acquire an Archary set for Daniel after seeing the Cupid statues in the Italian Gardens of Compton Acres. No I will not publish the photographs, but Gary of Middle Smiths has kindly offered to send them to me again for editing and will be available shortly. We get to the next bit as it were in the next blog or two. Pasta is ready but where is the family to eat it. Sleep well all and you too Travis of Markus Smith.

We regress an hour

We are here on Earth to do good to others. What the others are here for, I don't know.
We regress an hour - we have turned back time by 1 hour (UK winter time), just a friendly reminder to all those from far away who would like to telephone us.

Sunday, 31 October 2010

Middle Smiths come and go in 2 short days

Gary and Claudia of Middle Smiths arrived just before 8:30 Saturday evening, slightly later than expected due in part to Gary wanting to show Claudia more of the country side than originally expected or maybe Gary's navigational skills were a little rusty, we will never know. Arrived safely, they did, and that is all that really matters. On route from Germany to Germany, they flew to Stanstead, north of London and hiring a car, bravely drove down to Poole, Borough of Winterdale, bringing the sunshine with them.

We expected them and were quite exhausted by the time they arrived, what with a major cleaning of the house, car and garden, as well as preparing a traditional Beef and Yorkshire Pudding dinner. The wine and their arrival put back the spring in our step and within no time were catching up.

The first question we asked ourselves was what to do with them while they were here. If they have a really good time they will come again, if not, well you never know. Pulling a few strings we got tickets, thanks to Feter of Faydales, for Compton Acres as a Saturday adventure. Some tickets are very difficult to come by and much sort after in the botanical world.

Sunday morning saw the 6 of us eating out in style at Tesco café for a full English breakfast treat. After much cajoling, we finally managed to get Claudia to stop shopping with the promise that Tesco would be open on Monday and we would let her loose on those unsuspecting aisles of English and European products for as long as she wanted.

Compton Acres delighted us all from the moment we arrived, walking into a beautiful Italian garden with nude statues and spiders. Gary and Claudia made us take numerous photographs posing next to very detailed Italian porn statues and then Gary lost interest and started looking for spiders. He found many in the 10 acres of gardens of the world, finishing our walk through the Japanese garden we sought sustenance in the coffee shop for a light lunch. Must develop the photographs now so will complete this blog on our other adventures with the Middle Smiths.

Friday, 29 October 2010

The Silence

It has been a while since my last blog, I have been silent, that is not to say that there has been silence.

I have been watching this series on television about 5 people who go on a retreat to a monastery. They do not have mobile phone, computers, radios, in fact no technological devise. They have books and prayers and silence. On the first day they find themselves very lonely, no one to talk too made them lonely. They were not alone but as we all know you can be in a crowded plane flying long distance and feel lonely. Lonely for those we love and are normally with.

Their spiritual mentor, Brother John, felt that after some time in silence they will ask the question, is this all there is? He told them to listen, really listen, the answers will come.

I admire his strong belief, his total conviction that God is there and will answer their question. God will help them when they question why, as they waver in their resolution to see the quest through. Why has he such strong belief? He seems a reasonable articulate man but still believes so completely that God will provide the answers. In fact, he said it is as certain as night follows day.

This unwaving belief in a God that leaves me a little uneasy.

If silence is the answer to finding out if you believe there is a god, what will make us all start to listen, listen to mother earth, really listen and when we start to hear, will we hear the grieving as a species ceases to exist?

Saturday, 16 October 2010

This advancing year

Once again I find myself watching young lads trying to destroy small white balls as they hone their skills in the noble art of Golf. Michael has started his first day at Staples and Merlin is out with the girls 'doing tea'. The wireless is playing Rocky Racoon by the Beatles, must listen to that when you have a chance, the scene is set for another episode of Middle Earth.

As the soft autumn sun warms the earth we must take care of our winter stock pile, wood is gathered for the fire and windows repaired to stop that cold air creeping into the home. The last of the tomatoes collected for jam and chutney before the first frost burns them off. I have already made tomato chutney, good spicy flavour with a bite from the generous amount of fresh chilli, I will be making tomato jam this weekend and I will part cook and freeze the last of the ripe tomatoes. Mus from Musmead Manor has baled the last of the hay and Robert has changed his duvet for a thick one.

With winter fast approaching I have decided to start running again, before my hips give in, tomorrow morning I will be out with Sam and Merlin to begin rebuilding this body of mine. Fitness always brings a healthy body and a healthy mind, more alert; bring back that spring in ones step. I suggest we have a Middle Earth Charity Run this December, all those within driving distance to be at Middle Earth beach car park by 9am on the 5th December. I will post a map closer to the time. Those that live further afield can run, cycle or walk at the same time at a place of their choosing. This does mean that Matt, Angela and Lily Florence of Underdickens, Ozdale will be the first to start as they are 10 hours ahead of us, followed by those in Southdale and then finally central Middle Earth, which is the rest of us.

In preparation for this I suggest you all start exercising for at least 20 minutes every 2nd day.

Finally Lily Florence has released photographs from her latest collection, click the link below. What an outstanding album it is, real ballet dancers.


The last of the summer BBQ’s

It all comes to as at some stage of our lives. We are having a BBQ, fooled by the midday warm sun into thinking that the evening will be just perfect for a BBQ. We are easily fooled, the sun has lost its heat, the air is taking on a cooler cloth and we are miserably sitting outside wondering what happened to the t shirt weather we basked in. I proclaim this to be the last BBQ this year and I am a little relieved that this time has finally convinced us of the fact that summer only lasts a day.
Words don't come easily when you are rubbing your hands together to keep them warm, fellow citizens of Middle Earth, I do it for you and I know you depend on this daily news release to help you plan you days of toil ahead.

I must admit to be 4 days later, I started this blog on Sunday and never finished it. Blame it on work, that will do and I am sure you all have those weeks when times just flies.

Michael has joined Staples, a computer and stationary chain of stores, he will be paid more than 50% more than his previous job and that is serious money for a 16 year old lad. Saturday he works at Staples and Sunday he has 3 more Sundays at Poole Pottery. I must admit I never saw him as the face of Poole Pottery, too delicate.

Gary of Middle Smiths has said farewell to his emissary to Anotherdale and the Swampland with a full list of product he aims to sell to the peasants. Bold move and valuable marketing information will be gained by this exploratory visit. We at Middle Earth Commerce await the report with keen interest.


Saturday, 9 October 2010

Great Expectations

I know you are thinking of Charles Dickens of Underdickens but you are wrong. Gussell of Georgedale has launched Great Expectation, with the by line – expect the unexpected! In small writing he states "Safaris and Lodges". Middle Earth already has a lodge and this new venture will be part of our lodge. I have no idea what his new company will be up to and can only expect the unexpected. Is there anyone who may have some idea as to the nature of this new business?

Now on to another matter of some importance. The questioned was asked 'What happened to Lizzie' Our journey of enquiry has taken us through all the archives of Middle Earth and we heard of a man in Anotherdale who had a ancient copy of the Middleday Book, a chronicle of land transactions before Middle Earth established its archive. Thought to be lost, this priceless book could give us answers to many questions about our ancestors. Gary of Middle Smiths was sending an agent to Anotherdale, he has this new venture selling umbrellas and food to the peasants of Anotherdale – see previous blog, he took a letter from me to the ancient archivist of Anotherdale in which I humbly requested a copy of the book for our archive. We will now have to be patient until we receive our reply.

We did find one tantalizing bit of information. A picture of Claudia of Middle Smiths, formally of the Claudosa era, except it is over 100 years old. This is clearly not Claudia of Middle Smiths as she is still a young woman. But the other intriguing fact is that it is originally from the Claudosa province of Italy. The caption is the most puzzling fact to emerge from this badly preserved document. We could just make out the name at the bottom of the image. Claudia by Lizzie Willox 1891. A striking resemblance to Claudia of Middle Smiths. We can now only wait for the Middleday Book from Anotherdale.

All this comes at a time of celebration in the Middle Smiths household as Gary of Middle Smiths has another birthday, I sure he had one just last year?

Friday, 8 October 2010

Middle Earth celebrates another birthday

Saturday 9th October 1978 Gary of Middle Smiths was born. The Mars was aligned with Venus and the bright, lover boy was born. Not in a manger but far from his home. This tubby baby grew into a valued member of the Middle Earth family. None would have thought he would go to the dark side and proclaim the virtues of the apple orchards. The Middle Smiths are well known apple creator who exports ideas and food to those less fortunate then us. Anotherdale and the badlands have been badly hit by crop failures, while Swampdale has had more than average rainfall. It rains there every day but the change of climate, global warming, has lead to rain in the evenings as well. Those bunnies must be a little damp. Gary of Middle Smiths is selling umbrellas and from all accounts this is going well. Claudia of Middle Smiths, formally of the Claudosa Era, daughter of Brono Claudosa, has also helped and is selling pasta and sauce to the peasants.

Fulia of Faydale has posted a comment with regards to her new bathroom. Feter of Faydale, the inn keeper for Heatherdale, send me the photograph of this beautiful retro style bathroom, the community of Middle Earth is all a twitter at its glam.

Sunday, 3 October 2010

Fulia New Bathrooms

Fulia of Faydale has redecorated in a big way, she did not stop with the new lick of paint, she put a new bathroom in, plumbed the pipes and glued the tiles. As you can see the results are stunning to say the least.(Click image to enlarge) Retro style with 1940’s shaver, 21st century hair enhancers, there are three girls in that house and one ex milkman who is now pub keeper for The Old Heatherdale Freehouse. I am very impressed with the retro style taps, the Redkins colour balance conditioner and the head and shoulders shampoo for mother’s hair. Talking of mothers, Fulia’s mother has applied to be the Magistrate for Middle Earth. Now Maureen of Sabindale, famous sailors of Heinz shipping, is one fine lass and I will endorse anyone who is prepared to second this motion. Fulia of the Borough Association will have to verify eligibility. I have attached a photographic image of the said Maureen of Sabindale.I am please to announce that Middle Earth library is now stocking large print for those with eyes that have seen their best years. After running a survey it was found that most of us wear or should wear glasses. In future books loaned to: Merlin, Fulia of Faydale, Mally and Mus of Musmead Manor, Gussell of Georgedale, Gary of Middlesmiths, The Matriarch and those who do not admit to being a little blind, will all be offered large print in future. One can never be too careful when dealing with peoples eyes.
Thought for the day from the Middle Earth news desk.
In a legless world the man with one leg is king.
Breaking news from the Middle Earth news desk.
It's impossible to be happy while your mother in law is still alive.
Weather for the next 24 hours is expected to be fine, except for the valleys of Mountaindale. Heavy clouds will be sweeping down from the mountains and then drenching Winterdale and then moving on to Ozdale. Check your local radio station for updates.

Thursday, 30 September 2010

Mally and Mus go on holiday

The stories I have heard from the hotel staff are not to be repeated on this family orientated message board. 27 hours of room service, what were they doing??? To be quite serious, Mally and Mus have just had their 3 months of peak season on their campsite and really were starting to fight. Mus, of Musmead Manor, the owner of Musmead Manor, referred to as the farm hand and Mally thought is was hilarious. Mus, quite rightly, went out and cut the grass and then balled the hay in the pouring rain. A mighty angry Lord of the Manor. It was left to Mally and her amazing managerial skills that dried the hay for the lean months.

In my own small way I have also contributed to Middle Earths food basket, Tomatoes, Potatoes, Basil, Courgettes and Chillis to mention just a few, have graced the table of our humble abode. I did cut the grass on a number of occasions but alas it was too wet to bale.

We are 48 hours away from having no car. As I said in a previous blog, we want to exchange our car for a small car and a family car. Merlin and Michael gamely took the task on and the next two days will be interesting to say the least.

I will be chatting to Mally tomorrow and will bring you up to date on the real story of 27 hours of room service.


Where are they now - Back in Ozdale

Angela, Matthew and Lily Florence are 10 hours ahead of me and it is 7pm GMT, that would make it 5pm in Ozdale and that is too early to phone and say I love you.
Susan, Robert and I went for another endurance walk to Old Harry’s at Studland on Sunday. Samuel as every came with us and nose too the ground showed us the way. I have posted the photographic impressions to prove this monumental walk of endurance and ultimate reward. I will not go into details as that is for another blog of some length.
I need to explain that Ozdale is 10 hours ahead of us, being down under they get to see the sun first. Southdale is two hours ahead of us and they get more sun then we do. We are Greenwich Mean Time (GMT). That is where Middle Earth takes the time from and is the leader of all time. Sorry guys but that is life.
On a lighter note, Lily has some photograghs of Mika of Middle Smiths fame and is going to let us see a preview in the coming week.
Mally and Mus of Musmead Manor took a holiday, Cretedale, an island off the Winterdale coast somewhere, you have to take your screen to 200% to see it, they did go there and we will always wonder what on earth they did there?

Sunday, 26 September 2010

Endurance Walk

Susan, Samuel and I set off this morning on an endurance walk from Sandbanks Car park to the Haven Hotel and the ferry crossing to Studland. Distance walking is not new to us but I must say this was a taxing task; the sand was soft and made the first part of the walk slow and difficult. Samuel constantly stopping to make sure we were on the right route did not speed this first section up while we were still fresh. Nose to the ground Samuel made it to the waters edge first, followed by Susan and I. Here we were greeted by a strong westerly wind and clear skies. The sea was reasonable choppy and Samuel, quite rightly, decided not to swim as we had the rest of the walk stretching out ahead of us. Walking with a renewed fresh pace as the sand nearer the water was firmer underfoot, we strode out full of confidence that we would achieve our task. We reached the second groyne on time and gratefully sat down for a rest. Samuel nose down checked the route ahead and we could see a tantalizing glimpse of the ferry in the distance. So near but so far. Rest over and we tackled our second part of this endurance walk. The suns was now high in the sky and with no clouds nestle over the mountains of Mountaindale, we had the perfect day to complete the walk. Pushing over selves to the limit we finally came around the Haven groyne to see the ferry docking on the Haven pier. Exhausted and happy to have completed this long walk we settled down at a quaint coffee shop and enjoyed a welcome breakfast of Bacon, cream cheese and tomato on a bagel with milky latte.

Susan then ordered Tiramisu and Mascarpone, well to her rightful indignation they brought her Tiramisu and a blind folded horse, she had definitely ordered Mascarpone. They replace the dish with commendable speed. Better laughter than never. Talking of laughter Nokia and the door will open. I know I have lost you now but all will be revealed. I will let you know on my religious mobile, I have a Pray and Go contract. Let us see if the dark side has a comeback.

I hope this walk has inspired the whole population of Middle Earth to get out there and enjoy the open spaces while they still exist. Middle Earth is as yet unblemished by migrant workers, we must all be vigilant against this increasingly common practice of other places. I have heard that Southdale had to evict the Mope a short time ago. You can never be too alert. Enjoy your weekend; it is a long weekend in Southdale with a public holiday yesterday, celebrating Dame Claudia of Middle Smiths birthday.

Friday, 24 September 2010

Good News from Georgedale

First of all let me tell you that a storm has just passed over Winterdale, a rainy, windy storm which soaked everything in its path and now has moved off to Musmead Manor. This weather front has brought in cooler winds and light rain, autumn is creeping into winter as we brace ourselves for what is predicted to be a cold Christmas. 11 deg C today.

Gussell has just let me know that he has another son, they are calling him Grephen. Gussell now has 3 sons, when will he stop, they called him Grephen because of Gussell's grandfather. A mighty warrior, Albert Grephen, scholar, politician and cricketer. Albert Grephen is father to The Matriarch. This is good news for Georgedale, the population was in decline and when he grows up he will stay on to takeover Gussell's Deli and maintain that Georgedale tradition of being a Dale of shopkeepers. Our best wishers are for Grene, Gussell, Gared and Gatthew on the arrival of a fine son Grephen. (Writers note. Fess you need to update the population register)

Claudia of Middle Smiths, formally of the Claudosa era, has had another birthday. I loose count but I think she has had 32 birthdays already. What a fine lady, full of grace and poise. A princess in Claudosa and a lady of Middle Earth. The Register of Important People have decided to honour her. From now on she will be known as Dame Claudia of Middle Smiths. I have it on good authority that Gary of Middle Smiths gave her a bunch of red roses and a lunch at Deloses. Such a romantic.




Thursday, 23 September 2010

Fabric of Society, the Internet and Wordpress

Everyday a virtual library is uploaded to the net. The average medium sized library has 2500 books with and average of 120 pages and an average of 300 words per page. By my calculations that comes to 90 million words a day. I will add another 200 odd words and the internet will cope. We will all be buying newer faster computers and using better search engines to get to the information highway that is our browse. Wordpress is the new buzz word in the web designer's arsenal. This very simple form of creating your own website comes with a helpful tutorial on HTML, higher text mark-up language, aimed at who I wonder but we will see.

We are all taught grammar at school and I was astonished to learn that English Universities are categorizing some of the grammar, drummed into us as children, as old fashion. The very fabric of society can draw a parallel to this stupid, dare I say dumb, attitude to the very essence of our daily lives. Middle Earth has been instructed by The Matriarch on certain key grammatical errors she has found in Anotherdale, not called the Badlands for nothing, Angela, lovely girl that she is, has accepted the post of Preserving Proper Grammar (POG) and will be commenting on any bad grammar in the future.

Is it 'Me and Lily' or 'Lily and I'?

The correct is Lily and I, and that is the small, old fashion value we have lost. If you respect your fellow man you will say Lily and I. Me and Lily, makes 'Me' all important and has no respect for Lily. The world has lost that respect and The Matriarch will have none of it.


Monday, 20 September 2010

Something To Think About . . .

THE SITUATION In Washington , DC , at a Metro Station, on a cold January morning in 2007, this man with a violin played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, approximately 2,000 people went through the station, most of them on their way to work.
After about 3 minutes, a middle-aged man noticed that there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds, and then he hurried on to meet his schedule.
About 4 minutes later: The violinist received his first dollar. A woman threw money in the hat and, without stopping, continued to walk.
At 6 minutes: A young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again.
At 10 minutes: A 3-year old boy stopped, but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. The kid stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head the whole time. This action was repeated by several other children, but every parent - without exception - forced their children to move on quickly.
At 45 minutes: The musician played continuously. Only 6 people stopped and listened for a short while. About 20 gave money but continued to walk at their normal pace. The man collected a total of $32.
After 1 hour: He finished playing and silence took over. No one noticed and no one applauded. There was no recognition at all. No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days before, Joshua Bell sold-out a theatre in Boston where the seats averaged $100 each to sit and listen to him play the same music. This is a true story. Joshua Bell, playing incognito in the D.C. Metro Station, was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people's priorities.
This experiment raised several questions:
*In a common-place environment, at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty?
*If so, do we stop to appreciate it?
*Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?
One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be this: If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made . . . How many other things are we missing as we rush through life?

Naked Rugby

The Cookydales are moving into a racy type of rugby football. The players are all naked; Celen introduced this softer side of the sport to discourage the rougher form of the game. The scrum aging has always been an area of the game prone to injuries but with delicate bits hanging free, she felt that the more aggressive players would be a little gentler for fear of injury. An interesting prospect and we wish Celen, Cark and the boys well and wait in anticipation of the first game. I have heard that the Gay rights movement have bought a large portion of the tickets.

Now news from Middle Earth. The Middle Earth National Lifeguard Institute (MENLI) had to rescue a 85 year old pensioner from stormy seas off Ozdale. The pensioner had seen his wheelie bins washed off the promenade into the sea by a storm wave. Undeterred he pumped up his rubber boat and set out to get it back. After finally overhauling his wheelie bin he tied it to his rubber boat and that is when he ran into trouble. The tide was going out and with the rough seas he was washed further out to sea. Those brave men of the MENLI launched their rescue boat and towed the man in with his wheelie bin. When asked why he risked his life for a wheelie bin he replied that the Borough Association of Middle Earth, would have fined him and he lived on a small pension. This is what those brave volunteers train for months on end to achieve!!


Saturday, 18 September 2010

Fulia consults with the Cookydales about Borough matters

Gallow Californian White.
Colour: White grape.
Smell: Oh so fruity, a gay wine.
Taste: Still remains gay and sweet. Full of fruit and so tasty, very gay.

The Mope has come and we sent him back. It is all the news but Middle Earth Customs and Immigration stand firm. The Matriarch delivers another strong speech, condemning the wonton killing of Badgers and Merlin takes Megoland to task on the quality of the paint used on the bricks, all a little fuzzy if you ask me.

Fulia will be attending a meeting with the Cookydales tomorrow evening, hosted in an Italian style, this will have some long lasting consequences for Middle Earth and the merging of the Dales. In this severe economic environment, Fulia will have to make numerous civil servants redundant and Cark will have much to say about nothing. (George Bernard Shaw)

We have had another juvenile storm, picture attached shows a Megoman damaged by this adviserse weather pattern. This award winning photograph of the damaged Megoman shows clearly the strength of the winds and rain. His wee arm is off and he has a nonchalant turn of the head, must have been quite painful. As in all Mego things, his wee arm has been replaced and his nonchalantly turned head has been straightened. After a wipe off he is as good as new. Still it could have been bad, we can only be thankful for wee mercies.

Did you know that one in nine men experience bladder problems, now there is a solution to this embarassing complaint. Weenemen designed to fit the male physic comfortably, allowing them to get on with their active lives without those small mishaps when getting excited. We expect this product to be arriving at our Middle Earth Honesty shop shortly. Mally of Musmead Manor has had confirmation from Weenemen that the shipment has been despatched and has a long shelf life. Good work Mally, when Mus gets older he too might need the comfort of this manly, discrete product.

Merlin is sunning herself at the beach and the boys are practising their golf swing as I write this blog, with its economic and medical tips and advise. Talking of weather it has quite suddenly become a little more autumnal, this mornings temperature below 10 deg C with that fresh breeze we are so use too in the cooler times. Jumpers on and mittens dusted, we will be ready for the cold snap that is bound to arrive shortly.

For those who are wondering what happened to Lizzie, no news yet but like all gathering of facts from the late 1890's, it will be a while yet. One can only wonder what that wee girl must have felt like when told, she was the daughter of the young Lord of the Manor and that her mother was one of the chamber maids. Maybe she never knew she was adopted. I am intrigued to know more about her and what became of her. Merlin has not had the right opportunity to speak to Mags, delicate topic, we do know that Feter of Faydale would be directly related to her and that then shows us a clear link between Mags, Lizzie and Feter, as Feter is Mags's wee boy. Would she have been a Robinson? As soon as I have some more facts I will pass them on. Enjoy your weekend.

Friday, 17 September 2010

Mope comes to Middle Earth

Where do I begin, news is coming in through all the normal channels and from those on the ground. Mobile phones are creating their own type of news in Macebook and Mitter. I was astonished to receive a photographic image of the Mope, kissing our virgin Middle Earth soil. The less said the better. I am pleased to say the Mope was not allowed through customs and immigrations. We have enough people looking for a job here and he has not been castrated. They all know the rules, if you are a Catholic priest you will have to be castrated. No exceptions, you guys are naughty.

Now the good news, Middle Earth has won a huge contract. In partnership with Middle Smiths and that fine Italian family Canosa of Claudosa, we have secured the continuation of Middle Earth with out the need to raise tax. At the time of going to press Gary of Middle Smiths confirmed that MSD Exports will be supplying the poor people of Anotherdale with food. Bruno of Claudosa is in Italy negotiating on behalf of MSD Exports for Pasta, Olive Oil, Huge tins of chopped tomatoes, cheese and most important of all, Pinot Grigio. Bruno, father of Claudia of Middle Smiths, goes with our blessing, may the force be with you.

I have notice a few disparaging remarks as to the lack of news, just to reassure those who post comments, I love you all and long live the comments and opinions. I must, in my defence, say that all this modern news delivery is putting a heavy burden on the press room of the Middle Earth Publication department. I have now implemented a fiendish plot to stop unwanted news items, it is called Mamm Filter and has the Maac seal of approval.

Register of Important People updated: I do believe we are ready for any important thing that might befall us now.

The Matriarch – Mother of Middle Earth and Witch of All Wisdom. (Waw)
Fulia of Faydale – Member in Charge of Borough Affairs and Associations. (Baa)
Fess of Faydale – Member in Charge of the Population Register and Archivest (Pras)
Middle Smiths - Member for Anotherdale Affairs and Commerce (Maac).
Robert – Secretary of Diplomatic Peacekeeping. (Dp)
Michael – Member in Charge of Recreation. (Fun)

Saturday, 11 September 2010

Lizzie still not found.

This week has been enlightening to say the least. Merlin's Great Grandmother had a liaison with the Lord of the Manor. This coming together of an upper class gentleman and the chamber maid gave rise to the birth of a beautiful girl. Such was the scandal that Millie was forced to give the child away. The gentleman, then a young man and with a promising future, was persuaded to break off the relationship with Merlin's Great Grandmother Millie and was shipped off to a London University. We can only surmise that Millie was paid a hansom sum to agree.

Be that as it may, the question is, what happened to Lizzie? This unfortunate lass who was born from a badly judged relationship, was of half noble birth and as such would have had some title.
Merlin's mother Mags of Scotsdale, knows of this affair, how much we do not know. Merlin's Grandmother had a sister she never knew or did she? Claudia of Middle Smiths was over heard telling someone to keep their pecker in their pants, sound advice in the light of this tragic scandal from the late 1890's. Lizzie would be a mere memory to her descendents, but who are they and where did they end up?

We will need Fess of Faydales with the help of Fulia and Merlin to get to the bottom of this mystery. As Fess and Fulia are members of the Register of Important People they will have all the archive information and will in time come up with the answers. Merlin can try and get some more information from Mags, but since her accident her smarties are a little jumbled, so one can only hope.

Well if that is not enough news I have heard that Gary of Middle Smiths is hoping to export food to Anotherdale, over the mountains of Mountaindale into uncharted areas. He has formed a partnership with some of the natives of Southdale, one of which has been to Anotherdale and is confident of success. This new venture could bring more prosperity to Southdale, creating many new jobs and helping to fill the coffers of the Middle Smiths. The members of the Register of Important People are pleased with the vision and courage displayed by the Middle Smiths and as a result, are inviting the Middle Smiths to become members of the Register of Important People. This new post will be called Member for Anotherdale Affairs and Commerce (Maac). The abbreviation, seemingly most apt for those of the dark side.


Friday, 10 September 2010

Mika of Middle Smiths

Mika, child of God as the Russians believe and wise racoon as the Native Americans know. This is just an alternative meaning of Mika, the Middle Smiths and the Claudosa dynasty will tell you she is a child of Love. I will not go any deeper into this as I value my head and the head of my horse as well. ( did you see the Godfather? . Brave girl Claudia, escaping that chaos )

Talking of Mika Mouse of Middle Smiths, gorgeous girl that she is, I was reminded of her while watching a clip from Ferrari tube. I have attached the link below. Click here and enjoy. I have included the link below if this hyperlink does not work.

Middle Earth will just listen with you.

Thursday, 9 September 2010

Redecorating and other house repairs

Ambisinistrous is the opposite of ambidextrous. It means 'no good with either hand'.

Woodwork is my most disappointing lack of achievement in my life. I have moved on from a hammer and a 6" nail to solve all wood problems, Matthew of Underdickens taught me the value of a screw and an electric screwdriver. Now when I repair a wooden object I use a 6" screw and drive it in with my 2000 watt Bosch electric screwdriver.

Bank holiday weekends in the UK tend to lean towards redecorating, redecorating? I was a bit confused when first moving over here. Redecorating meant knocking walls out, changing light fittings, buying new furniture and hanging new curtains. No my Middle Earth friends, redecorating means painting a room a different colour. The rest is major alterations and needs planning permission. Women do it as well, remarkable.

For those who are concerned about being sexually abused by a Catholic priest, I am happy to report that we have castrated all priests of Middle Earth and now their divine wisdom comes straight from The Matriarch, Mother of Middle Earth and Witch of All Wisdom. I do not foresee any more goings on in the vestry or behind the pulpit ever again. OK a little, but let's make it fun.

Talking of The Matriarch, I notice that she has put herself forward to the Register of Important People as the 'Mother of Middle Earth and Witch of All Wisdom'. Quite right too.

Update to Register of Important People.

The Matriarch – Mother of Middle Earth and Witch of All Wisdom.
Fulia of Faydale – Member in Charge of Borough Affairs and Associations.
Fess of Faydale – Member in Charge of the Population Register and Archivest
Robert – Secretary of Diplomatic Peacekeeping.

Wednesday, 8 September 2010

A Young Storm

The rain has swept in from the north, the storm clouds had been building against the mountains of Mountaindale for the last few days. It was only a small storm, young and inexperienced but had mustered its clouds, chiding the smaller and coaxing the large until they all merged into a great cloud bank. The young storm was ready and in one last crack of thunder leap over the mountain and happily drenched everything in its path, a down pour that lasted just over an hour. The wind was breezy but not unkind but this young storm was learning, next time lightening will be thrown into the chaos and we at Middle Earth will feel the storm a little more.

Enough of the weather, I have noted the comment left by Gary of Middle Smiths and would like to say that it did not help at all. Advocating the dark side, what was he thinking? Talking of the dark side, we are replacing our Zafira this month with a small car and a family vehicle. Time moves on and we are a growing family. Normally I go out and buy what I think we need and that it that. I have done that for 40 odd years and now I am handing the batten over to Merlin and Michael. My only suggestion is that they are economical, practical and reliable. I would be inclined towards Audi, BMW, Jaguar, Saab, Volvo, Mercedes Benz, Skodia or VW in the family car and the small car I am prepared to take what comes. I do draw the line at a Smart car or anything in that shape.

News from Kettingdale is all is well after the storm, Middle Smiths suffered no damage and Underdickens did not notice. Oh well it was only a young storm. What of the Georgian Smiths? Still no word.

Monday, 6 September 2010

Out with the new!!

My choice for a new laptop was gone array, again. First the notebook with the sticky space bar which I replaced with a 17" Celeron Dual Core Laptop. I hear the odd chuckle, 10" notebook to 17" laptop that was quite a replacement. Well the 17" was not up to the speed I would expect from a modern computers. Merlin concurred and back it went, the store graciously returning her hard earned money. Advised is needed on what laptop to buy. Hopefully someone from the Register of Important People will shed some light on this contentious subject. I have just one condition, no dark side. I am only comfortable with bits, apple pips are a mystery to me.

The Matriarch seems to be influencing the weather. Autumnal but a little chaos thrown in. We woke to a misty, cool day with a brisk wind from the crags of Mountaindale. Merlin predicted a grey day but dry, a little magic intervened and we were wet half way through our walk on the beach. The rest of the day oscillated between threatening sunshine and grey drizzle.

The hint of chilli that Gary of Middle Smiths refered to in one of the comments was a salad and the hint of basil refered to the bacon and muchroom pasta. Never over do the chilli and basil, chilli adds flavour and basil adds fragrance. Add these two to wine would just be silly. Really silly, but as I said in a previous blog, let us never loose silly.

The Underdickens are in the very South of Southdale enjoying a well earned holiday. Lily Florence has the sound of the waves breaking when she wakes and the cool sea air lulls her to sleep in the evening. Angela and Matthew finally set free to enjoy life without the hassle, something they are well accustomed to and appreciate. On all holidays we need the quiet times to gather our thoughts and take stock of what we have done, been through and captured.

Saturday, 4 September 2010

Fulia of Faydale joins the RIP

Fulia of Faydale has been honoured for all her charitible work towards the smooth running of Middle Earth. Fulia is also the Important Person in charge of the Borough of Oakdale and has been accorded the post of Member in Charge of Middle Earth Borough Association of Important People, also CEO of Fruit Cake Makers. As an up date to the RIP I have included Fulia.

Fess of Faydale will be sending out the latest Register of Important People.

The weather is still uncertian and as such will keep us guessing, updates tomorrow.

Just a reminder for all those out there who would like to be part of the Register of Important People, apply soon. The Mapping dept of Middle Earth await the submissions for the map of Middle Earth.

Weddings at Musmead Manor

Due to the adverse weather condition in the South, Merlin and I decided to venture out to Musmead Manor and see what progress has been made to get the hay in. We are happy to report that the hay is in the barn and the Alpacos will sleep warm this winter. Alpacos are the only source of fresh milk on Middle Earth. While there, we were fortunate enough to witness a wedding in the Tipis. Great event and hopefully the rain will be kind and allow the revellers time to party. Mus shared some Alpacos ice cream with us while Mally looked after the guests. Mus of Musmead Manor has his own ice cream van and is willing to hire it out to anyone wanting an ice cream van for the day.

The map is a good reference point when hearing news for those far off Dales. Our thanks to the Mapping dept of Middle Earth for the map you have all received. I know it is not 1929 but we will endeavour to update it in the near future. In our constant striving for current news and events we ask, most humble, if you have any contribution to the map, please let us know. This could be anything from a new green house to an image of your existing house. We will include all on the map. In this time of uncertainty, People of Middle Earth, your country needs you.

Tesco South African White £3.75

On the bottle: A fruity dry white, with flavours of citrus and tropical fruit.
Colour: Lightly straw.
Smell: Hints of grape.
Taste: Smooth, very dependable dry white wine, full of clean flavours.

The weekend is upon us, thus we will be relaxing in the true sense of the word. The cricket season is over and with that, all our weekly and weekend games have come to an end. It has been a good season with all the ups and downs we have come to expect. My U17 Colts team did much better than I dreamed they would, the added bonus of many boys playing adult cricket this year and not letting their sides down. Michael played his first adult game two years ago and is now established as the opening bowler for the Saturday 4ths and Sunday 2nds, ending the season many wickets and loads of runs. More importantly, enjoying this fine old game.

The boys went back to school today and it was a little strange to see Michael stroll off in demins and a t shirt. His formal schooling done, now the A levels will challenge him that little more. Robert is happy with his selection of teachers and is looking forward to the challenge of Year 10.

Just a little news, for all amongst, who are worried about their hair. Now that the seasons are changing, It has never been easier to boost your hair colour and add volume and body. L'Oreal Casting Creme Gloss in 515 Chocolate Truffle has just arrived at our nearest convenience store. Talking of Feter, he is his mothers child, lovely boy, hair reminds me of Merlin's mother. There we have the rub. Feter, I know that my friend Schwarzkopt is perfecting a shampoo for brown, difficult hair. He insists it will be available in the Autumn and will be called Mother Colour Tint Permanent Creme. Hope this was helpful, if so please pass it on to anyone you think would benefit from this research. Gary of Middle Smiths, Mus of Musmead Manor and Michael of Winterdale, I will continue to search for an answer to your hair challenges, gel will have to stay your short term solution.

Of Middle Earth, I have no news. I would imagine the adverse weather conditions hanging over the mountains of Mountaindale, with its crags, cliffs and dense forest, is unsettling the South with the need to get the hay in while they still have sun and enough daylight hours to finish the task. The weather forecast warns of driving rain and gale force winds for late Sunday into the early part of next week. Mostly in the South of Middle Earth, this is worrying none the less. Batten down the hatchers and keep warn. I will keep you updated as and when I receive any news.

Map of Middle Earth - click to enlarge

Friday, 3 September 2010

Cooking the left overs

Ingredients: Chilli con corne, peas and sweet corn, spaghetti and a dry onion left over from last nights salad.
Dish: Spag Con Corne with peas and sweet corn, add a little garlic and a whole chilli, wel la, dinner for the masses.

6 weeks of summer holiday has passed in a blink of an eye. Tomorrow the boys go back to school, banishing the Xbox, Ipod, computer and mobile phone to the back burner as they embark on their new adventure of learning. Merlin is relieved, I am grateful for time passing and Sam is a sad puppy, no one will be around to play with him.

The Underdickens are in Georgedale, that is so far away we will have to catch up with them when they get back to Ozdale. Georgedale is so remote that it is not yet on the Middle Earth map. We have commissioned Google Earth to bring Georgedale into the 21st century.

The matters of Middle Earth have taken most of my time today, calls to Southdale, Musmead Manor and Ozdale only achieving one result. Middle Smith caught working. I still believe in Postman Pat and will be taking on that challenge from tomorrow.

Markus Smith remains lost in Southdale, has there been floods there? Knowing Markus he is in Pakistandale to help the poor flooded souls of Anotherdale. Playing by the Queens rules, no ball and you are rich. But we must allow for the Queens rules of, you are innocent until proved guilty, Hanse will have none of that, rightly so.

Till tomorrow my followers and citizens of Middle Earth where ever you are.