Saturday, 30 July 2011

Warmer air comes to the South Coast

Today was slightly warmer than the previous week but that come with a cost, girl with push up bra balancing 44 DD breasts in a low cut top, leans over and gravity takes over letting those melons see the light of day and the rest of us taking cover. I do expect an ASBO (anti social behaviour order) to be served on those over ripe water melons, what were they thinking. Must be the weather. The unfortunate girl, who dressed herself, is understandable very upset. Her first port of call was social benefits, wanting to know if there is a benefit for massive melons growing on her chest, just next to the tattoo of Shrek. This fickle weather does bring out the best in us.

    Russell softened us up with a Tapas recipe and then ended with ‘Up the Bokke’ or something to that effect. I did notice that the South African Rugby team were not up to the challenge and the All Blacks did score freely, my sorrow goes out to those who support this national icon but they are just human, well Homo sapiens as opposed to hominids. I am sending Pamagor out to Georgedale to comfort Russell in his hour of need. We have a team in the UK who play rugby as well. They are all in Edinburgh at the minute celebrating their captains wedding to Zara Philip of the Royal Dynasty fame, she also rides horses. The recipes are the next best thing to sliced toast and I will cook, eat, drink and tell you what it was like.

    Board took a hat trick against India today at Lords, this is turning out to be an intriguing match. Matthew Dickens won the Audi Cup and is off to Melbourne. I see the fame and money already, Matt a small house in the country and a small dowry will come in handy.

    Tuesday, 26 July 2011

    I saw the time go

    My life has been a quilt of reds and greens that have never settled. A glimpse of what might have been, stitched by magic, I found hard to hold.
    Zoe came around today to introduce us to Harrison, her new born son and as I looked at that sleepy face I saw all the little faces I love, flash by, shocking me for a time lost and the finite time left.
    As I looked I saw a grey shadow in the deepest dark beckoning to me and I turned away.

    When the weather is good I think we need to go there, I have some sleepy faces I need to see, maybe the hundred times you asked me was enough.

    Let us go before a hundred times more and then we ask the question, ‘Why did we not listen when ten times was asked?’

    Monday, 25 July 2011

    Exposed White Flesh and Mags frightens the children.

    I decided to walk Sam at the park after duly considering what the beach would hold in store. Also did not have my dark glasses and with all the sunshine and blinding exposed flesh about, I was bound to get a little blind. Did you see the squirrel nailing a chestnut?

    The park was no better, the tops where covered, just, but the Pom’s careless disregard for proper dress sense seems to manifest itself when the sun comes out and the temperature tops 20 deg C.

    Over exposed legs, melons awaiting picking and tattoos, the mind boggles, the senses overload and still they come. Legs that should be covered are exposed, boobs that need support are left to their own proportions of gravity, always South and lads showing white, pigeon chests and the odd tattoo dazzle the dropped melon.

    Talking of getting uneasy, today Sam came to me looking strangely agitated. With the boys on summer holiday anyone might have arrived, so I did not take too much notice until he growled from the office.
    There is that squirrel again, did you see it?
    I went through and there was Mags ironing in the lounge, Robert wanted to know what she was doing and Michael came down to find out if she was alright? Talking about scaring the children, I was very unsure about what to do.

    ‘Hi Margaret would you like some tea?.

    ‘No thank you’.

    Is the squirrel relevant?

    That sort of completes the supernatural. I was picked over 102 other contestants to do the NEW Audi A7 launch. Now I know how Leonardo felt when he was asked to paint that ceiling. But he had a patron and was a little weird. I will do so much for mankind, a humble beginning with the Audi, then, to infinite and beyond is what my friend Buzz always said.

    Just to finish, Robert on his last day of work experience and was taken by the Benefit Officers to a Schizophrenia safe house for mad people. When he got there he was followed around by one of these strange people, reminiscent of One Flew Over the Cookoos Nest. He described it as sketchy. What a word, what is happening to the English language?

    What is with it with the squirrel? Did you not see the squirrel?

    What? Oh the squirrel is not important?

    Sunday, 24 July 2011

    The last of the Potters

    Harry Potter has cast his last spell, vaporized his last evil wizard and hopefully come out unscathed. We seem to have endured endless reruns of the Harry Potter saga through the boys for the last 10 years. Almost since we moved to England, that jump from beach, sun and space to small house, cold and rain. Our collection of the series starts with a VHS video through to a DVD. Make no mistake we do not have the full series but from what Roberts says we will soon. I am a little sad at Harry’s ending, what will come along to fill this epic. We have been spoilt over the last few years. Lord of the Rings was the best, while Star Wars came a close second. These three are going to take some beating. Robert has plans to see the film today and I will get a review from him.

    The papers today are almost celebrating the death of Amy Winehouse, poor choice of surname as she really was a wino. The sports section was not all about football but cricket, Kevin Pieterson gets 202 not out against India at the Oval. The little master tamed, Tendulkar caught Swann bowled Board. Board should have had 5 wickets but for two catches put down. I really think Tendulkar is getting on a little, at 38. Like Michael Schumacher, although he still seems to have good pace.

    Why the talk about what is in the papers, well we always see the Sunday headlines when helping Michael with his paper round on Sunday mornings. Soon the paper round with Michael will be a distant memory, Michael is looking for someone to take it over and we are quite happy to sleep in a little on Sunday mornings, it has been fun.

    The ultimate holiday trip

    Forget the children asking; 'Are we there yet?' The monarch butterfly migrate south every year. The thing is that they do not live long enough to fly back. This 3000 mile trip is their last but not for the swarm. Yes they actually get there but then time takes over and they will start the journey back. After a short time the oldest will stop and lay eggs, then they will die. The eggs hatch and finally their children will continue the journey back to where their parents came from. This happens every year, will one make it back before dying? Who knows, they all look the same to me.

    Talking of different facts, 'Adobe', the software company, means clay bricks.

    PC do connect with bytes and Apple also connect with bytes against popular belief that Apple connect with pips. A rumour put out by Pamagor.

    Enjoy your weekend, we plan to take it easy letting Merlin get over her cold and I will watch cricket, the German GP and hopefully have a BBQ. The boys have finished their golf lesson so it is time to go home.

    Friday, 22 July 2011

    Phone hacking affects Poole

    Rupert Murdock's phone hacking scandal finds it way to affect little Poole and to be more specific, Michael's paper round. No more News of the World, so less paper to deliver. It is such a small world that an Australian living in America, can affect so many lives throughout the world. I must say that the whole story is being continued by the press and the politicians, I have moved on and so should the rest of the world.

    There are a few truths, some newspapers get real close. Not all bankers are bad, there is a few grey areas. Goes with their suits.

    Robert did two weeks work experience and was assisted by the police, driven in a police car, was followed by mad people, evicted drug addicts, served antisocial behaviour orders on the dregs of society. That was the first day, he worked for Bournemouth City Council, the housing dept. He is going to write a diary of his two action packet weeks and I will let you into a little when I know more.

    This house is full of colds, Michael was generous enough to pass on his cold to me and I shared it around quite promptly, with the exception of Sam, we all felt this summers virus. So will now retire to bed and sleep, to dream but not to wake.

    Thursday, 14 July 2011

    The day after the day

    What a day, Indiana gathered his team for a debrief after the mission and the Dark Lord wanted a iPad 2 32g wifi 3g. Robert heads off to evict pikeys and Pakis from Council Houses and Michael meekly strolls to school.
    Indiana and the awesome team that sent 96 tonnes of product to those hungry Congolese got together on Skype and had a jolly fine time going over their monumental achievements. Indiana needs this to show his Masters what has been accomplished and the way forward.
    The Dark Side again. More Apple pips to throw around in the form of an iPad 2 with all the bells and whistles. No stock in Africa, no stock in Poole, bring on the power of the internet and we find a lonely iPad 2 at John Lewis wanting a home. The Dark Lord is happy and the iPad will have a new home in Africa without legs. Did you know all Laptops are sold in Africa with legs? Strange that.
    Robert is doing work experience with the Borough of Bournemouth. He is being show the procedure to evict idle benefit sponges and refugees. Due to political correctness gone wrong they can only evict 5 whites families, 1 coloured or asian family and .05 black families a day. What about the poor Chinese? All Chinese love a good eviction. The eviction officer decided to overlook the .0 and just got on with 5 black families. Cruel, heartless, just think of all those wee brown eyes, bewildered and lost. Having to be taken into homeless care in one of the nearby 3 star hotels.
    Time to pour a glass of wine and create tea.

    Wednesday, 13 July 2011

    The incident of the dead Pate in the cake

    You may have wondered what I have been doing for the last 5 weeks. Well I was lucky enough to be part of a team that supplied a newly built supermarket with all the product to open the doors.
    In the Congo is a supermarket, built and equipped with all the aisles, shelves and fridges but no stock.
    In comes a modern day version of Indiana Jones who promises to fill the shelves with all the stock they need. He builds team around him, one from Johannesburg, one from the UK and secures a warehouse to house the 96 odd tonnes of product to be shipped to the DRC. The ship sails on the 13th with 98% of the stock. Mission accomplished and what a journey. We despatched 5 containers.
    You might say why only 98%? 100% would have been on the ship but for a few very narrow minded suppliers and some extremely accommodating directors. The lovely Volente tried, Indiana threatened, some can not be moved. Well done guys, it was worth every sleepless night.
    Yesterday was my birthday, what a day, presents a plenty, a new chair, a music centre, cheese, glorious cheese, fruit cake, wine glasses of such a posh nature, wine, Oh what good wine, the kind you share with those very close friends. Lucky for me I have only one and she does not drink much. Michael gave me a griddle pan, not sure if it was a hint but welcome none the less. Robert a gift voucher for ITunes, how long it will take for him to lend that, only time will tell.
    Heard Lily speak for the first time via Skype and was given a grand tour of her house.
    To all, thank you. It was worth the wait.

    Sent from my iPad=

    Monday, 11 July 2011

    Reflection on my 3 score years

    First you are your mothers joy then her tether, the ball spins and you see what you think is the most important person in your world until you have another, in my case there are five. Then you watch them grow and fly and then you think you are the treasure but only in your dimming eyes. Pensively, I wonder what would grow in the space I leave behind? Something for delight of others, or pain? I do not know but feel I should.

    I have been spared the horrors of a normal marriage, the ‘I do and you don’t and who brought the subject up first,’ type of cohabitation. Public faces in private places, better and wiser for private places and public faces. It is respect, love and respect.

    It is not that I am so smart, it is that I stay with problems longer – Einstein, on why he thought he was so clever. I agree but on reflection have not stayed long on any problem. This ability to stay with it, is a gift some have and others admire or begrudge.

    We went glamping (glamorous camping) over the weekend, Friday night to be precise. Between Susan and Sally, they invited a few of my friend to a BBQ and a stay in their Shepherds Huts on Longthorns Farm. Lovely evening, great company and good food, the wine was quite good as well. The last time I went camping, I think I was about 16, now almost 60, it has been an experience.

    I proved the theory I have had for years, camping is not for me. I admire those who embrace nature in its crudest form. Living in small pup tents, sitting in front of a fire sounds romantic but the reality is, smoke in your eyes, a cold wind on your back and uncomfortable chairs to numb your bum.

    On my Birthday, Susan and I will enjoy a fine breakfast and then a walk around Corfe village, cream tea and then on to some friendly pub for dinner.

    I will leave you with this thought on life. In Piranha filled waters the monkey drinks with a straw.